Faith Through Loss (Part 1)

In Part 1 of this two part conversation, Pastor Anthony and Alden Brown sit down with The Extremely Rational Podcast Producer, Tony DiMaso, as he shares his life’s testimony with many hardships, and struggles with faith. From his adoption story and growing as an individual to repeated seasons of loss, Tony opens up about his toughest moments from an honest, different, and unique perspective of grief, pain, and loss.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Welcome back, everybody. This is our final episode of season two. So our 24th episode, which is pretty cool. My name's Alton Brown. You are? PA. PA, Pastor Anthony, Beanie, all the good things. Yeah, that's really one of my favorites. I call you that usually. Yeah. Most of the time. This is the Extremely Rational Podcast, and we call it that because Pastor Anthony tends to be a pretty extreme guy. I tend to be a pretty rational guy. However, depending on the topic, we flip on that. For short, he has a mental illness. I do have a mental illness undiagnosed. And you're going to see some of that in just a moment. We call it the Extremely Rational Podcast. We call it ER for short. And that's because we want to be an ER to you. So if you need a word of advice, if you need to hear some biblical guidance, if you need prayer, if you need a laugh, we're your ER. So thanks for tuning in. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. If you're watching, we start every episode with the open mic segment. I don't know why at this point we haven't changed the name, but because it's really just my segment. Yeah. Because you contribute zero.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

I am uh a moron by Wolden Brown.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Well, I get dumber every week. It's the open mic is really just an opportunity for us to share anything we feel strongly about or just want to talk about. And so our ignorance. Because today is the World Cup final. I thought we should talk a little bit about the impression soccer at least has been having on me. Okay. As Americans, it's really not, it's certainly not our top four sport. A lot of people, it's a nothing sport. Um I played soccer as a kid, and I've always had some level of appreciation for soccer. Um, but I, you know, I'm just not into it. We don't have uh we have MLS Major League Soccer, but we just it's not a part of our culture. Correct. But it is a world culture. It's the most in the world, it's the most popular sport by a lot. And I see it. Like that's what I wanted to say is like I'm watching the World Cup and enjoying the drama of it all, but also just enjoying the game. There's a lot about the game of soccer that I really, really like as a consumer. The fact that you just play the game. Yeah, there's no breaks, there's no somebody gets hurt. Right. I mean, they threw in the hydration breaks this this time around because it's in America and they're not used to the climate really, a lot of the world. But the the point is it's 45 minutes 45 straight minutes, running time, there's there's no commercial breaks, there's no ads on the field even. Now, I think there probably is in other parts of the world. They're on the jerseys and stuff too, which I don't like. But the sport itself, we're just talking about the game. It's tough to score. When you score, you go berserk, you go wild because it matters. The value of the point is so high. Um, it's tactical, it's um you know, it's like you they're just playing chess out there, and it's I think it's really fun to watch. Obviously, highly athletic in terms of endurance. Um, you know, the flopping is annoying. Yeah. I think they did really well in this World Cup with kind of uh mitigating that a little bit, giving guys some yellow cards for flopping. Uh we've saw we've seen it's it's pretty impressive, I think, what they're doing with the game. I love it. I think it's as close to a perfect sport as you can get um for me in terms of just really entertainment and watching. I think hockey's the best, but I do love soccer. I it's won me a little bit this time around.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Couple of things to add. Yep. Number one, the flopping is because they're tired. They'll tell you that. I'm so sorry. I'm tired. And I can't it is 45 minute running time, and I'm not gonna get a break, and they're not taking me out. Uh but number two, and everybody can look it up, I heard that some people for the finale are paying up to a million dollars for a suite. That's crazy. Which when you think about that's crazy. Well, I know the Nick game was like a hundred grand here maybe. So uh anybody wants to check that out, but that's like whoa. Yeah, that's it's absurd. If you think of the revenue that came in for the six weeks, and you know, uh I just gonna say because I love sports, people are starving. In this nation, our kids have to buy a home for a million dollars because you can't regulate the economy, and these people are spending this kind of money on that just to go to a game. That to me is out of balance.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

It sure is, there's no question. Um I and I think just talking again about the X's and O's of the game, I I do wish a couple of things. That one that they that they wouldn't do the stoppage time. Uh like just if you blow the whistle or if something's saying, then stop the clock and then start it again on the place. So we don't have it's a little weird for me that the the referee is gonna decide, hey, well I'm gonna add six minutes here.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Well they kind of figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

But yeah. Yeah, I kind of wish that they would be able to figure out a way where we didn't have this like gray area of natural, although at times it kind of adds some excitement. So I like it. I don't entirely hate it. Yeah. But then the other thing for me is I don't like a skills competition deciding the victor of a sport. Yep. Final. I do also understand that in soccer, the more tired they get, the less likely they are gonna score. So it's just it's the kind of the way the sport is. You have to do something. So I don't know if there's a different thing they could do that I would like better, whether it's like offensive possession. Yeah, but again, in hockey, they wouldn't. When it's elimination, you just keep playing the sport until somebody wins. A sudden death, and you keep playing the sport until somebody wins. Oh, in in Olympics. Yeah. They would have they they made it three on three over time. And then if that, if there was no goal scorer, they would have gone to penalties. Um I don't again, I I don't like it. I I totally just keep playing the sport until somebody wins. But in soccer, again, I understand it because they would get so tired. Yep. But it's just tough. It's a tough pill for me to swallow that like you know, we we went all the this way, and now a skills competition decided to want to know where mine was?

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Well, that was high school, and I believe we spelled the best record Lebertown divisions ever had, 18 and 2. Um decided if um you went, um, regulation and probably a couple of overtimes, corner kicks. Whoever had the most corner kicks, that's it, you win. Whoa, so that means I guess it implied you had the most pressure, yeah. Correct. I don't like that either, but it was in 1974. You can look it up.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

I do also want to clarify really quickly that soccer is a British term. Like they they love uh over there in Europe to like hate on the US because we have um our football, American football in the NFL, and to hate on us for calling it soccer, because everywhere else in the world they call it football. But soccer came from the fact that it was association football and they had rugby football, and so they would call everything in England back then, they would call uh they would put add an ER to the end of it. So they would call rugby rugger, uh like they would just add ER, but association football would have been asser, so they weren't gonna do that. So they just went with the second syllable, which was associated with sock, SS.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

Glad you're here.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

And so they called it soccer.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

So they came up with soccer, boring man.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

My point is the European in England, they came up with the term soccer and then they hate on us for using it. It was very boring. We didn't come up with it. Soccer is their term. Uh I think it's I think there's a lot of people going, whoa, I didn't realize that. That's pretty interesting. So stop hating on us for calling it soccer. I love you. Um, so that's it. That's just wanted to touch on on how really how I appreciate the game.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

And I kind of both enjoyed it very, very much.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

And you know I can't stand the sport of basketball. I can't stand Oh, go next. So I would happily replace that sport in my top four with soccer. Go next. Go Knickerbockers. I am excited for all my history. Yeah, all my friends who got to live that. I'm so happy for them. I'm happy for the city. It was really so cool. It was.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

And it was historic. It was historic. Down by 29. It was very cool. Not very unique. I didn't want to be a good one. Not a fan. Yeah, not a fan of NBA. I watched girls softball instead. Much more entertaining. Way more entertaining. Agreed. I don't want to take anything away from what they did.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

No, it was amazing. It was. I just I would basketball fan. With the World Cup just winning my heart over, I would I would gladly replace basketball with soccer and have a blast as my top four sports. That's me. Go soccer, go. Kick, kick, kick. Um, with all of that said, we have a special guest today. Yeah, and we're gonna have a new segment coming up, correct? It's going to be well, not a new segment, but we're it is gonna be a consistent thing moving forward. We are going to have a guest on at least one in every three episodes. Love it. So just get ready for guests all the time.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Great stories, testimonies, um, history. You're gonna love it.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

We had our my dad on as the first guest a while back, but we didn't have a third mic, so I got out of there for my dad to take over with PA. This time we have a third mic, so we uh are gonna have our guest on with both of us, and that is our producer, Tony Damaso. Tony, come on in, man. So as Tony steps in, I I just wanted to introduce him in a way that at least is somewhat uh reasonable. Uh Tony, Tony is the only reason this podcast exists.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Fact, fact, fact.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

Tony is the only reason you are. So Tony me and Walden were doing it, it wouldn't have been around. You might want to talk on your mic.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Uh you might want to chase you. Hello, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Tony and I, uh, well, really, PA and I wanted to do this podcast for a long time. We waited over a year because we just couldn't make it happen. We I tried with a little camera, and I didn't know what it's doing. Uh, you know, I end up having lunch with Tony one day, and you know, we were just talking about life and what we were, you know, hoping to do, and he he's you know, he's got his business and uh he's really stepping into it, which is an amazing thing. But uh, you know, I mentioned this dream of doing this podcast with PA, and he's like, I'll I'll help. And he has stepped up in an amazing way. Oh, everything you're seeing is his cameras. He's really you know, we had to invest a lot of money ourselves and take a loan out just to buy a ton of the equipment to make this possible.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

And it's paid back by all the generosity of everyone supporting and giving. Thank you, thank you. One more payment left.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Thank you to everyone. Um bless you. But Tony was like, hey, you know, I've got equipment that you need, and I'm willing to uh just you let you guys use it and produce this thing. So everything you're seeing, it's all Tony produced. Um, but Tony's lived a um uh a life w without the Lord, then with the Lord. Um, but he's been through a lot and he's had a lot of loss, he's had a lot of pain, and he um has a story to tell, and I think it's a story that beautifully glorifies God. And so I'm pumped, dude, to just give you the mic, to give you the floor. We'll interject uh with the knuckleheads we are whenever we feel fit, but just for you to tell your story of what you've been through and how you've had to battle through a lot of loss in your life, um, and to this day you uh continue to serve the Lord in and through it all. So Tony, welcome.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Thanks. Uh that was a really uh humbling and very thankful for you guys. You know, that was a great introduction. But um you know, it just uh considering from the start of like how everything was to where I am now, like it definitely has been it has been a journey, it has not been an easy one, and um it's it's been a minute, so um I definitely have a lot to say, but first and foremost, um thank you guys very much for allowing me to come on. You know, and uh just being part of this team has been it's been awesome.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

And I've been I've been together how many years?

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Quite a bit. Quite a bit we've known each other. Yeah. Uh yeah, that's another thing. Uh we'll get into we'll get into.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

And uh I'm usually shout out to Nick's here helping out.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

Yo, Mr. Salomon.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Nick Salomon, Mr. Salomon.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Yeah, baby. 11 and 1.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

He um he he was gracious enough to uh come by and help us out with audio because I'm pretty much I'm sitting where he is, and I have the bestie in the house listening to such great topics and such great uh back and forth. And um I fully appreciate you being here, Nick. It means a lot. And thank you, Christine. Thank you for letting us do borrow Nick for a bit, and don't worry, we will get here at a good time. But um first and foremost, I just want to say, like, you know, uh having listening to a lot of things that you know have been discussed, um, a lot has actually resonated with me quite a bit. Uh episode three in particular um is is definitely a good uh indication of like what's about to happen, you know, when we uh when you guys uh touched on the topic, um what was it? It's um well it couldn't have been that impactful. I can't even remember it. It's um right, it's um shoot them down. Is it God's fault? Like, is it God's fault or that one? I I I'm pretty sure that's the name of it, but I could be wrong. But that resonated quite a bit. That's true. And um, but also some very interesting points, and I and I've talked about it with you, like when we uh got together for lunch a few times, and um one thing in particular is that like a lot uh really about like you know this point in time of like the world, like a lot of uh demonic influences are like all over the place. It was around, of course, I believe, like quite a bit years and years and years before, but ever more so now. It is so bad right now.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

In America, 100% quick, hopefully quick girl went to Stony Brook and uh they saw a cross on her and said, That's not gonna work here. And they made her take tests that if she didn't answer the evolution test the way they told her, she would fail. That's today, guys. That's evidence at Stony Brook College.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Not not good at all.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

I'm not afraid to say that.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Not good at all. But yeah, like a lot of great discussions were uh uh have been here, and I've been blessed to hear it. And um can't believe um we're now at episode 24, and and this is quite an awesome experience too, even just to be here, like it's intimidating a little bit. But um, and one last thing before we start. Um I personally, after like hearing a bunch of great topics discussed, a lot of great open mic segments. Uh-oh. I personally believe you are definitely not an idiot. Wow. You're definitely not seeing you're crazy though about dogs, though. You're come on, like you gotta you gotta admit, like you know, no, he's not an idiot, he's a moron.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

Okay, that's my we all agree he's uh he's a douchebag.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

So if you haven't listened before, he's referring to the fact that I believe owning a dog is a more detrimental thing than it is a beneficial thing. I think it's uh it's probably not a wise decision to make to go and purchase and own a dog. But I know that most people would disagree.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

No, but it's it's okay. Look, like you have your uh opinions on it, you have your way about it. But look, it's it's all right. That's you. You do you. It's it's totally fine. I appreciate it. It's totally fine.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

But uh I just don't know. Wow, I'm getting called names, I'm getting stones thrown. Tony, come on, the floor is yours. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

So what's your life? First and foremost, uh before we get started, um, I was thinking about how I should go about you know describing everything from the very beginning. So I thought what would be interesting from a different like kind of perspective of how to go about this, is um because you know, you guys are very straightforward with how you discuss things. Like, you know, you pick the topic and you know, you touch on some things and then like you know, you add to it, and then then it just you know solidifies it at the end. And we're really good at what we do. Definitely. Definitely. Um so I just I think what would be interesting, and I like to try it out, is um I'll give you, you know, uh I'll explain it to you and I will speak in the perspective of how it was for me at the time and as things chronologically happen piece by piece and as it's happening, what my mindset is like. Let's go. And try and I and I know uh I know for sure that a lot of you guys will chime in quite a bit and you know uh disagree with some things and some things may not make sense. It may be veer off a different path like of what I plan to discuss, but I assure you that there is context to all this. Okay. And um it definitely a lot of things are we're gonna leave it to me to like really get into deeper uh stuff to discuss. But uh like you said, I definitely have been through it, and I think it's an important thing to share. And for those listening, I hope that at least you know what I discuss here. I personally don't want you to feel any, you know, like you know, I don't I don't want any like, you know, oh my gosh, but I I just want this to be an eye-opener and just something that hopefully that you can take something away from this. And as we get towards more towards the end, we'll we'll see. Okay. So let's start uh from day one. Literally. So uh many of you uh who know me know, but many of you who may not know me is uh is well actually you know what before I even get that in into that, uh the first two people that come to mind and that should be discussed first are my parents. And you know, the the saying as they say it's love at first sight. My dad uh went to a softball game and well, he was playing in softball, and my mom uh came by with her college friend and they met immediately. It was just like it was doves, it was it was just wonderful uh feelings, and just they just it was immediate. But then a while into the relationship, uh my mom uh actually got sick. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, and um it was a very difficult time for both of them. But you know, to the credit of my dad, um he's a great guy and a little rough around the edges, but the thing that I admired most about him. So is PA the the nah the the the thing the thing that I admire most about my dad is that when he cares about something and when he really uh loves uh somebody, my like my mom, and has a this heart is definitely big, he does not give up on that. Whether it's a person like uh in a situation like he puts us all in. So it didn't shake him, he stayed with her, and they went she went through her treatments and everything went well and they got married. The thing that was not great is that they could not have a child um of their own, so they needed to rely on adoption. So they went through these agencies and um they had uh two possible children at the time. Okay and well, first it was one and then that fell through, and then another was a possibility, but then that fell through. And it was just it may have been, you know, it just it was only two at the time. And that may seem like not a big number, but to them it just was devastating because at the end of the day, they wanted to be parents. Sure. They truly wanted to be parents. And um it just was uh not a good time for them, like and just having like dealing with like you know, doctors' visits and for other ungodly reasons. But then um honest to God, my grandfather, which is my dad's dad, um got something like fell over him and called my parents and said three words to them, and that's all he said and hung up. He and he was in such like a something just hit him and he was just like in just this amazing positive, just energetic and excited tone. All he said to them was he is coming. And my mom and dad are like, What are you what are you talking about, dad? He is coming. And they just didn't know what that meant. Then I don't know if it was a day or two later, or it could have been a week, it could have been a month, they get a call, and while they were in the process of trying to adopt children, another group of families were trying to adopt children, and they met and hit it all very well. And the social worker, a social worker called one of them and then contacted my mom and dad, and they said that there is a little boy all the way in Santiago, Chile, uh who he's at home and he needs to be adopted. So um, so uh that was uh Hello America. That's me. Let's go. But uh that's cool. So it was just it was just you couldn't write that up. Like you couldn't like make that up. And it was just once they heard that, like it was just they were head over heels. And then a short while later, I came to the family and it was it was a great time for them. I didn't realize you were from Chile. Are you always cold? Uh delivery interesting. Interesting because in Chile, you can go to the beach and ski all in the same day.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Wow. That's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Very mountainous. Very cool. And I've seen some uh pictures and books of the geography there. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Yeah, you heard the weather right chili today, hot tamale.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah, that's what it is there. When I came uh to uh America, uh you know, I was uh everything was all taken care of. Um I'm I'm here, um, and um we did our family begin. And we started off in a home in uh Fort Salonga for a little bit, and um we're there now, but we started off there first, and my dad at the time was working for a company called Ninex, and then eventually 9X became Bell Atlantic, and then Bell Atlantic became Verizon. So uh history? Yeah, so he started off in that, and then we uh you know things were shifting into the company, and then when I was young, we moved to uh Yardley, Pennsylvania. And at Yardley, Pennsylvania, I met my first group of friends there, and very, very first, uh Josh, Rachel, Laney, Chris, Matthew, Andrew, and uh Danny. Shout out. All great, all great people, and uh we just had a wonderful time together. We had um we shared many days of playing in the yard and uh playing. And what's interesting is like where we were, it was a dead end, and like you know, you pull on a street and then you go towards the house. There was no fences, there was no nothing. Like you could literally walk into another person's backyard, like it was that open, and everybody it was great, everyone had a great time, and it was just awesome. And those were my really good friends, but then some stuff shifted, and I only stayed there until uh for preschool, and then we moved to Clifton Park, New York, and uh there I met a wonderful group of friends, Matthew, Nick, Sean, Hakeem, Alexander, and Paul. And um we had uh shout out, we had some good uh few years there, and I was there for kindergarten and first grade, and um it was very nice, and I enjoyed it, and you know, we were away from our family because our family was um all the way in Long Island and we were all the way upstate. So um it was it was it felt a little you know not so great because they were like way over there, we were up there, but you know what made it great was that my grandfather came to visit with uh my grandma all the time and you know visited us, and um I very I remember very little about him, but the memories that we shared uh were um really great. But what really also wasn't that great is that you know we lived in uh Yardley first and then we moved to Clifton Park, so I kind of had to like say goodbye to some friends there, so I didn't really keep in touch as much as I should have with those friends, and we kind of drifted apart a little bit, but actually I still remained close with Josh and Rachel, and cool they and I still have to like give them a call sometime. But there um there we were, and then um and uh this was actually when I was around seven, no six, I'm sorry, uh mid-90s, and uh we were uh doing great as a family, and then I get on the phone call, I got on a phone call with uh my grandfather when I was on my way to school. I forgot how, like we had a phone in the car or something, and it was before mobile devices, but I got a phone call from him and he just didn't sound good because he was in the hospital, and I just he just wanted to um talk to me, you know. And little did I know that was the last time I was talking to him. And um the thing that was very special about him is that he called me his little boy, and uh that was my name, little boy. And um I very vaguely, you know, kind of like flickers of a projector screen. I remember little stuff from him, but not as much as I would want. And then uh shortly after I get a phone call when I was sleeping in the middle of the night, and my parents come into my room and tell me that grandpa died. And that was the first major loss of my life. And I spent the whole night, you know, nose and a face and everything was red from crying so much. Because he was the guy that made me feel very special. He was the guy that let my parents know that in the midst of all this these trials of trying to adopt a child that I was I was coming. He loved me like no other. And um at that time, like I was only six years old and uh and he was gone. The next thing I knew, um, you know, uh, it was just like I needed to finish off my uh uh year uh at uh this elementary school that I was. I just don't remember the name, but I had to finish it without him, and then shortly after that my dad had to uh we had to move again because stuff was going on in the company, and I think at that time I was probably shifting into Bell Atlantic at the time, but still I go from Yardley to Clifton Park and now back to here on Long Island. Okay. So I was young at the time, and um I didn't really understand about Jesus or faith at the time, and because I was I was I was young. And um, but what was very interesting, and I do remember this uh pretty clearly is that even though that you know, because with faith, right, there's so much to it. There's there's you know emotional depth, there's many depths of you know, symbolism in the Bible, there's teachings, there's stories, so much more. And what stuck with me shortly after when we got to Long Island, um my parents uh decided to tell me for whatever reason, well they just decided to tell me that I was adopted. Oh just to see how everything was. Well it didn't really didn't really impact me that much. Okay. You know, because I had you know it's it's funny because and this is where it's gonna get interesting. I always uh had like this sick sense that you know something was kind of off. Like I didn't really feel 100% in there, but you know, but um that kind of stuck to me more than faith, you know, because I was it was it was easier for me to understand. And yeah, I was only six or then I turned seven, but I was young, but still that process and that mind uh thinking, it it I understood it better. And I don't know how, you know, but I just it just it just it just um stuck to me more um than faith at the time. Right. And then shortly after, as the years went by, um what was interesting is that and you know this this probably could feel the same like for any other adoptee, but maybe, maybe not. Um but for me in particular, and considering all that happened with the loss of my grandfather, is that I just started to have this disconnection feeling within my family. Wow. And just disconnection in general. Like I didn't feel like I fully belonged with my family, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, like with groups of friends. I of course I had my friends in Clifton Park in Pennsylvania, but afterwards it just I just felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Okay. And it started like eating at me for the long time, but you know, I just knew obviously that couldn't be true, but it just it just gnawed at me for a long time. And uh and you know, for someone who is six years old, um just turned seven eventually, I kind of grew up a little bit, a little too quickly, and I got pretty mad at God. You know, I was I was very mad, you know, kind of like he took my toy away, but instead, like, you know, he took my grandfather away. But you know, it just was a very it wasn't a great time. And thankfully, like the the feeling didn't stick for long periods of time. It was like flares, okay, you know, like medical flares of like a condition or something. Yeah, it happens once in a while, but it stuck with me for quite a bit. And then all throughout the years, you know, uh, with being um on Long Island, I'm gonna start now from because I went for preschool in Yardley, kindergarten and first grade in Clifton Park. From here on, I we stayed here for for the rest of my uh grade school years, middle school, high school, college years. And uh, but what was really great about where we were at that time now is that we were closer to family.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

My my mom's side mostly, you know, because my mom's sister, my godmother, my aunt Donna, and uh my uncle Gary, Michael Tommy, and Damien, my cousins, and then my mom's brother, Uncle Jimmy, my uncle Jimmy, my Aunt Terry and cousin Kristen, uh all lived in the area. Like some lived in King's Park, and then then the other uh in Smithtown at the time. And then my grandmother uh lived in uh my mom, my dad's mom in uh Plaineview, and uh my Aunt Sue also, and my Uncle John at the time, before they had my cousin John, uh, but that's many years later. But they were around too, and it was great because you know we all got to uh spend quality time together and uh make memories. The only member family members that we didn't get to see that often were my dad's brother's uh kids and my cousins, uh my Uncle Al, my aunt Carol, and my cousins Lisa and Jimmy because they were living in um Tennessee. Okay. But I did keep in contact with Jimmy and um Lisa um sometimes, and um we got to see them on rare occasions, but still, like you know, the fact that we were around family helped me a little bit, but still it was kind of difficult. And for a short period of time we lived with my grandmother because um the house that we're in now wasn't ready for us at the time. Yeah. And then um shortly after I needed to find a place to go to school. But considering also going back to like where everything was in my life of losing my grandfather and feeling all these feelings, I went in with just a lot of concerns and a lot of just you know fears, you know, new place, new people, uh, you know, just raised a lot of things, a let raised a lot of questions, and I was just very, very concerned about it. And I just didn't think that I would, you know, find friends and fit in and just considering how I felt. But from second grade to to college, I've met a lot of amazing and great people, starting with my brother John, um, a friend of ours named a mutual friend named Heather, and a lot of other great people in second grade, third through fifth, uh, brothers Dom and Jordan Galluccio, Jimmy O'Connor, a friend of mine, Chris Selina, and a very special friend of mine. I want to give a shout out to. Her name's Amanda. Shout out. Shout out. She uh she was very she was a very special friend, and um I hope one day that you know we can catch up again. Um then uh before I went to middle school, um, I the testing modifications and just everything weren't ready for me for middle school, so I went to some place called West Hills, Montessori. And it was actually a camp there too, before even the school year started. And there I met uh some friends named Michael, Caroline, Paul, Andy, Vinny, and many more. Oh, and Robbie. Like Robbie was a great friend of ours too. And there was lots of other uh great people, but and uh we got to spend the quality time together a lot. Then uh we went to middle school and I met some great friends, uh John Rosemond, Raymond Green, Chris Niosi, John Williams, yes, John Williams. The legend not quite. He was he's a great guy, and his mother's just amazing. She's uh she's a sweet woman, Pam. Lovey Pam, and uh so many other great friends uh that I met there. And uh for high school, uh one notable friend uh that I actually met, and she actually was a friend of mine at Wilson Tech, outside of it's still in the high school years, but actually it's post-high school because it was a two-year program, but we'll get to that. Her name's uh Jennifer Barnau. Now actually goes by Andy Archer. Shout out. Yep. And um then in college, these guys, uh you know Jennifer is now Andy? Yes. That's it. But um then in college burger fire. Yeah, yes, yeah. Just tune into last week's episode. Uh uh a few weeks before that. You'll see why. Jennifer, hold the egg. Yeah. And then in my college years, um, these guys quickly went from just you know good friends in class to my brothers. Awesome. And their names are Chris Dore and Nick Carbone. And then another school right after that, like a few years after, at the Digital Film Academy, which is now closed in Manhattan, uh, someone really great named Izzy.

SPEAKER_03 34:28

Izzy.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

And Izzy and uh throughout the years, like from that show. Hey, the shoe was awesome, and I helped her out when their senior thesis film, and it was awesome, and it was pretty cool. I love it. Got the shoot on a red, which was really cool.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

Oh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

So throughout the years, starting from second grade and on, um, a lot of other people have come into our lives, and not just my life, but my family's lives, and it is it was greatest blessings of us, you know, of ours just to meet all these great people. But I will say nothing compares to the biggest blessing that came into our lives in the excuse me, the month of April in '98, and that would be my sister. We we adopted her uh from Columbia, and then she became part of our family, and we became complete. Shout out Angela. Yes. Yes, it was uh Columbia, and uh I just um I'm very I'm very I I just became the happiest guy because I was a brother and um awesome, and um it was it just really made the house whole, and not to mention, um uh we had um a wheat and terrier named Scruffy, and then eventually we had a Wheaton Terrier named Tycho, uh Sammy the Maltese, and Charlotte the Yorkie. But this was spread out for quite a bit, and then um some really quick to end with this with other very notable people that came into our lives. There's many, but and if I forget any names and if I don't name any names, I'm very sorry. But other very notable people to include are the Casillo family, which are very just they're not just friends, they're family. They're good, they're great people, and they actually adopted children from Korea. Wow. And uh they grew up with my sister grew up with uh one of their daughters named Sienna. Love you, Sienna, and then Lincoln and Linnea, uh wonderful, wonderful girls, and uh they actually had four boys and um just the greatest uh group of people, and I call my uncle Jim and my aunt Joanne, and the boys are Sean, Chase, Alec, and Kieran. Love it. Um and uh they just were amazing, amazing, and they are amazing people. I don't even know my own cousins' names.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

Jimmy Tony remembers everybody's name that ever existed. Well you wrote them all down.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

I just wanted to remember definitely needed to uh share them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:51

Is he?

SPEAKER_01 36:52

So those are the um those are the good aspects, but throughout those, but then like throughout those years from here to there, the challenges and that I faced uh became quite uh quite something on a few fronts. First on the academic uh side because I have a disability and it's a learning disability. Um auditory processes, uh it's an auditory processing one. For a short period of time, I could listen to instructions, but then just my brain phases out, and then that's just how I was and how I am still. And finding the right schools to help with my disability and then the extra times on tests and teacher aids, it it just was a it just was hard. And but my mom helped out quite a bit and made everything easier, like and helping me with study. Um uh what's the word I'm looking for? Um I can't think of it, but she helped me study with my stuff and it helped over. Like a tutor almost? Kind of um strategies. Strategies, that's what it was. Then my health was all over the place. I have seasonal allergies and um food and beverage allergies, and uh also we were trying to figure out with all these medications that I was on. Did I have uh Tourette syndrome? Did I have uh well or was I even on the spectrum? We were trying to figure out so much because I was having a lot of difficulties in a lot of areas. Um I can say that uh it was a no to both, but the disability of mine of learning was still a very um complicated thing, and we just did everything that we could, and I did everything that I could. Yeah, that's tough. Then the biggest thing also was personal and psychological issues. So just having losing my grandfather and um feeling disconnected and just with the friends aspect, but that that quickly faded. It's still that still was a very challenging time, and um she my mom just uh the thing though about her, and just the thing that was just amazing is that she went to school to be a registered nurse, and you know, that really helped out me. So that was actually kind of a godsend because with everything that I was dealing with, she knew what to do, like she knew what to look for, she knew what to like you know, um find, and she gave up her career to help me. And um, I don't I don't think any shout out nurses, my mom's a nurse too. The lanes that she went was just astronomical, and I just was amazing woman. It just made things a lot easier, and and and it just was it was challenging, but she helped. And my dad uh did his uh best and he did everything that he that he knew how to do and and it helped me quite a bit. So both of them really were very instrumental, and um my sister was a very huge source of inspiration to like do the best that I could do. She and she inspired me and she still inspires me all the days of my life. You know, she's she's awesome. But what then started to uh kind of dwell over me like a lot of the times was a sense of guilt. The sense of guilt as in like, you know, she gave up a whole career just to help me. And if I could turn the tide, you know, the other way, like, and if I could change one thing about things years ago, I would want her to still pursue who pursue her dreams to uh you know to help others. But she gave it up for me. And then um and then speaking of you know uh you know illnesses and sickness um at such a young age, I learned about her and her illness. And it just uh was a very trialing time because I've had multiple dreams of her being sick again. And I just for the life of me, I couldn't picture it like and I could, but that's that's the thing. I could picture it, but I didn't want to. Sure. And it just was very, very difficult because it just made my life more that much more on concern on the concern level, because I I wouldn't want her to get sick again, you know, and because it's just she's my mom and she she she's everything. And throughout those years too, like in in b in between many aspects, I found this kind of like interesting repetitive theme that kind of recurs like for me, and I have no idea why. But there's a challenge, a battle for it, and then the victory.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

Good.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

And uh although I mean it just would have been nice to not even have that, you know. But I mean, such is life, you know, you gotta have some there is gonna be some issues and and challenges. But just the amount that I had, like with what I just mentioned, with school, with my health, and just psychological and personal, it was um it just was it was very it was very interesting and just very just not great, especially at a young age. And um, so like one example that I can give you, or just I'll give you three short ones. With school, when there when the curriculum changed and things got more difficult, she would help me study and you know, sometimes I would pass, sometimes I would fail, but I don't remember failing too much. I did fail a few times, but no matter what, like I was like exhausted after studying very hard, but I made it through with flying colors with the test somehow.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

And with my health, like changes to my medication, I would get sick a lot, my behavior like was changing at a young age, like very hyper, very just like still trying to figure out like what the heck's wrong with me, and just try to figure out like you know, ways to level it and change and just deal with the allergies too, and just like just to find out how things could be combated when things were wrong. And um we seemed to always nail it down, you know, and wonderful. And it just was it was good, but I just rather not have to try that because it was multiple like my my whole like childhood and even like still when I got older was always going to doctors. And it just was like enough, enough is enough. Like really and then the big one considering like with my disability and where and then also like a lot of things that one thing that was very difficult is my confidence. Like confidence like in my future, like what am I gonna do? Like, you know, because I look at these other students and like I'm my own worst critic and I like compared to myself to a lot of people, and I know that's not really helpful or healthy, but my main concern was what would suit me as a career, like you know, if a simple like a nine to five, you know, sounds good, but it's just what kind of field can I get into that you know uh would tolerate me, but also um help me, like and just but I would feel good with. Yeah. So that was also very um, very uh interesting. Yeah, and all throughout my earlier years, especially after my grandpa died and like you know, just trying to cope with a lot of things, my escape was the most. Movies. I would go to movies a lot. I would reenact scenes. I would always hold a camera in my hand. Wow. And you know, I always enjoyed filming stuff and watching it back. And I actually did um a scene from Indiana Jones and like the boulder made out of Legos.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

That's cool.

SPEAKER_01 44:20

And I have it somewhere, but like, you know, just let my imagination go wild and like you know, just escape for a bit.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

So hey, look, I can jump in here and just say that you're somebody that I know who can quote almost everything from every movie, and it's pretty cool. Um that's uh I know how much movies have had an impact on you, and I know you're going somewhere, so I'm not gonna uh go there. I'll let you, but um certainly it it's it it comes out of you uh often um how much you are impacted by movies and know film very well.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

Thank you. Yeah, that means a lot. And with movies, um when I decided to pursue, like you know, I went to Tech Wilson Tech to look at classes and figure out what I want to do with my life, a lot of other uh courses looked cool, but it didn't stick out to me. But then when I looked further and saw the video production course, wow, I just went in and I felt like okay, this this is something. I sat down at the computer and it was just an orientation, and I looked at this program and all these buttons and knobs and stuff. I'm like, this is where I'm supposed to be. Bingo. This is my this is my life, this is my future. Yep. And then the next thing I knew, I I attended uh tech for two years, and then I got into Five Towns College. Wow. Uh Alden. Shout out, yeah, baby. And then you actually were at college uh a few uh like a year or two like when I was there. That's true. It was great to see you in the halls. Yeah, you too. Yeah, and um, you know, and it's just like I wonder what's going on today, and all of a sudden I hear someone singing, oh, that's Alden.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

I never shut up, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

And you don't have to apologize for that. And the biggest thing about that is when I was starting to make well when I was making my senior thesis film, the biggest thing was we had five days of shooting all set and ready to go, like for cuts, but for whatever reason, the hard drive that held everything fell off my desk, shattered completely, no, and was lost. Wow, all the files were lost. Ouch. And um there is one other thing, but we'll get back to that in just a second. But the fact of the matter is, while we were dealing with one issue, which we'll get into in just a little bit, the thing that made everything just I will never stop being thankful to all the cast and the crew is that when I shared what was going on and I said if you had if you have anything more that you need to do with your you know career or life, if you need to step away from this project, because we've been together for like five good shoots, but the first time was with one crew, crew A, then crew B, and then finally crew C. Actually, not C yet, it was A and B because A, we had two actors that left, and then B, two like different people in the crew. So it was a little chaotic, but we managed to do five days and there was gone. What came out of their mouths was, or even on text, it was the same thing for everybody. Okay, when's the next shoot?

SPEAKER_02 47:28

So it's amazing, man. So they stuck with you through it.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

They stuck with me. We made a film, and we didn't win any awards at the school film festival, but we got into 11 film festivals nationally and globally. Wow. We won six or seven awards. Congratulations. And we were in the paper and uh were online on IMDB and on the uh Five Towns website. Love it. So it was that was a triumph. So pretty much the whole point of that is there was always something going on, and it just seemed to me like if it was one thing, if it wasn't thing, it was another thing. And it just was like, what is going on? Like, you know, I just I was I was getting tired. My soul was getting tired. I was getting tired. It's like, why is this going on? I just I just don't know what the what's going on. Like, what is seriously? But I but now I look at it, I know that you know God was with me through everything. Amen. But I just didn't know it at the time, and I just thought it was luck. And in the years that followed after um college, um, I joined sports videography and I got into the world of professional wrestling with videography and video production. So in a sense, like I always seemed to combat something, and I always seemed to come out to greener pastures for for whatever reason. Thank you, Lord. And that exactly is what it was. But going back to the faith aspect, because there was academic issues, there was school issues, and then there was health issues, like all these things coming at me in all directions. But going back to the faith issue, within those years, I was still very upset and still very angry at God for taking away my grandfather. Um and uh it just um and then a lot of other things going on, so I just felt very just why like I didn't have that much trust back in the day because a lot of things happened when I was younger, and um I carried that a lot and just like the aspects of disconnect as well, and so many other aspects. And I I will say though, um, in the midst of all that too, a lot of my faith um before I even called it that, I don't even know what I was called it, but a lot of things were tested, and a lot of it was trust. You know, because I'm going to new places, new things, and stuff. It's hard for me, it was hard for me to trust and open up at first, but things got better a little bit after. Okay. But trust was a really big issue, and I just um I knew I just needed to just keep going and do the best that I could do, and that's all I really could do. So, in between the time of that, um actually when we got further until I'd say the early 2000s, I got hold of a church called Christian City Church.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

CCC, shout out.

SPEAKER_01 50:29

And yes, uh shout out to Dave Gibb, and at the time there was the youth group there, some really great people, Josh, Amber, Jared, Caleb, two Calebs actually, Kristen, and many, many more. Um I started to you know get to know a lot of these great people, but also get back into an environment where God was. And at that time, like I was still very upset, still very just not very trusting, but I did want to change. I wanted a little bit of change. And um I decided to, you know, give my heart to God and I got saved at that time. So it was definitely in the early 2000s, maybe mid-2000s, and then shortly after, um, you know, I spent some time with Christian City and it was a great place. And I love Dave, he wasn't he's a great guy, and congratulations to him for getting married recently. And his his wife is just wonderful. Um, but then like I just decided to you know see what other congregations are out there, and sure enough, we found Praise Tabernacle.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Wow, wow, that was formerly uh well, Eastgate was formerly Praise Tabernacle. Well, just in case anybody's listening and doesn't know. Right. Our church now is Eastgate, it used to be Praise Tabernacle.

SPEAKER_01 51:47

I think you guys uh included that a while ago.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

Oh, definitely, but I mean this might be somebody's first time ever watching.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Very true. Eastgate Church before was called Praise Tabernacle, and a lot of the uh people that uh were there are still there, and um two of them are right here right now, and I met them years ago, and there was just something very great about them, and there's still something wonderful about them now. It and it's definitely his love. And and I just got to know them all, and um a lot of the uh families that were there, and then most notably uh Pastor Sharon, Pastor U. And before Steven became a pastor, he I met him, I met Paul, and I met Christine. Shout out, shout out, shout out. A wonderful family, and sadly at that time uh the father uh passed away. Yep, and um, and but I I met them and to this day, like you know, even back then, they're just amazingly wonderful people. Amen of that. And um it just you know, around that time my faith started to come back a little bit, you know, like despite everything that was going on, still had a little distrust, still was not uh fully there, but it was uh it was better in the sense that I wasn't super super mad like I was, but it was a change, you know, and um I was willing to give it a shot and to earn that and just to give that trust back. Now let's uh dive into uh something a little bit more serious and a little bit uh bring it down a little bit now. So now in between a lot of the times, like from I'd say middle school to like this present day and like from middle school to now, um I have seen and I've um experienced quite a bit of losses um around that time. And uh two of them were our uh Wheaton Terriers uh who were both on well. Um I didn't really have a good relationship with someone in middle school, and that was my friend John uh Rosmund. Uh we really were at each other's throats all the time, but then we got better towards the end of the uh year, and I was excited to see him next. It was orientation there, sorry, excuse me, and um I found a mutual friend of his and of ours, and I asked where he was. Like I was wondering like where I could find my friend. She told me he committed suicide in Oklahoma. Oh my gosh, that is tragic. So that was um that that really hit me hard. Yeah. Then with our family, uh the Casilla family, they lost Sean to an accidental overdose, and we had a great time together just getting to know one another, and we were gonna change the world by making movies together. And we had some in well, he had some in mind, and I would just get the teachings and learnings, and we would do something together, and and he was he went to be with the Lord. When I was dealing with a lot, I had a therapist named Lenore, and she was wonderful, a wonderful woman, but she got sick with cancer. And then my friend Raymond Green got sick with cancer, but with him, only 18 Americans out of the year managed to get this kind of particular cancer, and he happened to get it. And he was friends with so many friends that um I got to come and uh into the group and learn and uh spend some great quality years with them. Um and sorry guys, I don't mean to like say it like this, but as I got to know Raymond more, and he was the son of a single woman, uh, my Auntie Donna, who I haven't heard in a long time from, and I hope she's doing okay. And I love you very much, Auntie Donna. But um she told me that when Raymond got sick, he was I was the first one that he wanted to see. Wow. And all these other guys have known him for much longer, but for whatever reason, he wanted to see me first, and I saw him and his neck was inflamed with cancer, and then very soon he was bedridden and he was he had a tumor in his mouth that eventually was there, and then that was it.

SPEAKER_02 56:02

I met him uh in that condition. I went and prayed for him and I remember. Oh, yeah, right? Oh yeah. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. We were there by his side, man. That was tough, really tough to see. It was very sad, very difficult.

SPEAKER_01 56:13

Witnessing that, like I've and then and you know, I've seen I've I had other family members and friends that have passed, but their passings were you know very um upsetting as well. But this notable one just really hit me hard because we had a great great few years together and we had a really great photo that was taken of us when we were at Rober Moses. Then there was one uh class that I took in high school. It was called Early Childhood Development, where we got to work with kids. Um, and um my my child, so to speak, was um someone who lived up the block from us. It was uh the son of a teacher, actually, in the district. Uh, he was my child to look over, and all of us students had their own child to look over, and it was a great time. And one of the kids um was very good friends with the kid that I looked after, named Ryan, and this boy named Harris. Uh, you know, they were playing Power Rangers, and I told him, I'll bring my action figure uh next time, and you'll get to you can play and it'll be fun. And like I play time. I come to find out when I was home sick and I was given some homework to do, and it was fine, you know, because you know I was getting better, but I was sick for a few days. Harris was sleigh riding at the time, it was Christmas or around the Christmas uh winter time. His sleigh lost control and slammed into a bus. And he just was there unconscious, and then they had to airlift him into the hospital, and then he died on the way there. Oh my goodness. So to see a four-year-old, you know, uh in that, and just and so at this point, you know, it just was like, what are you doing? Like what what's going on? What is going on? So it just piled and piled and on, like more loss after more loss, and just witnessing this and going to paying my respects, not just for my own family and other friends, but other people too that I knew of, just to pay respects, just seeing you know, um someone there, like open casket at a wake, just at even at a young age, was enough to make anybody traumatized. And then kind of in my first few years of school at college, the second biggest loss of my life was my uncle Paul, which is my mom's brother. He um he was sick too when my uh mom was diagnosed with Hodgkins and his metastasized to his eye. Oh my god. Ocular melanoma. So when he passed away, I was like, like I just say, like, why are why is this happening? And do you know that the impact that this has on the family, like and on the families of these great people? And why am I even witnessing such this this and just seeing photos of him not well and with our family? And it just was like, why is this even allowed to happen?

SPEAKER_02 59:09

Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_01 59:10

And then around 2012, the absolute unthinkable started to happen, and my mom got sick again. Except it was a double whammy, it was breast and lung cancer.

SPEAKER_03 59:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 59:26

And while I was making my movie, she was diagnosed. So that was the huge thing that was going on. Wow. So all of the fears that I had when I was younger, a very young, young, young boy, like were finally starting to come true. And I was seeing that firsthand. And um at that time we did everything to uh help her, and we brought her to appointments, we brought her to healing services, we brought her to everything that you could possibly imagine, and she handled everything like a champ. She didn't, she hardly complained.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:02

And like, how do you do that? Like, you know, she was stronger than anybody that I knew. Yeah. And then um that night we were at Sloan Catering in the city, and she got the lung removed, uh part of it removed actually that had the cancer. But what they had to do was take um some tissue from her back and wrap it around to close the wound.

unknown 1:00:26

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

And it was like a seven-hour surgery. Whoa. And I was there in the waiting room with my dad, and we were praying and praying and praying, and it just was a really bad time, and um we almost lost her. But the doctor said everything was good and she's doing well, and she's just in recovery, and that was a miracle that night. And throughout that whole entire time, my body was in a flight or fight mode, hyperventilating, just very just super scared of what's what was going on, and I was and I was I feared about this when I was little, and you know, you just gotta be strong for your family, and that's exactly what I was, and I and I tried to be. Forget my feelings, like you know, like uh it's all about like making sure that we're there for Mother, you know, and just making sure that everything was okay. Absolutely. And she made it through, and we had a good few years after that. But then I'd say in between the time of in sometime in 2027 2020 2017. Well 2017 the cancer came back.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:50

This time it metastasized to her spinal column fluid.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:57

So this time around, the treatments were gonna be more severe, and this road did not look very promising. But knowing us and like where we stood in our faith and with me as well, we were strong and we were very committed to praying, and we did as much as we could, and every day we did, and we were there and we experienced you know all the great times together, like you know, not worrying about it and going to places and just not not thinking about it. Like, we're just gonna live life and you're gonna be fine, and we'll go to wherever you need to do, and you'll get better. April of twenty uh eighteen, I think it was, she had a very bad seizure. It was like one of those seizures that it was like too much, and it caused her from that moment on to be bedridden. And um she was brought from one place to another, and we did as much as we could uh to uh get her better. But then ultimately she had to go to hospice and um still trying to be strong.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:25

Still trying to be strong. I went there and we went there and we were just we just uh did everything that we could. And um we still prayed and everything was not really how it should be. While many others were like one time it was around Mother's Day while others were spending quality time with their mothers, I was in the hospital with her holding her hand. I have a photo of that too.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:59

So then fast forward a little bit, it was Halloween of 2018. So it was just your typical like day, and it was I don't forget about the weather, but I went there with a family with a friend across the street from where we live, and the both of us went to visit her to see how she was doing. I sat with her, I held her hand, she knew I was there, and then um, you know, we were just singing songs, we were well she was the the neighbor was singing songs, and like there was ABBA on the radio, and there was um, and she was doing okay, and I thought, you know, she was doing okay resting and recovering. And then um I'd say maybe about a little bit, uh maybe over an hour when I was there, one of the machines started to beep a little bit, and then it beeped a little bit more after that, and then we were told to just go out into the waiting area and just see, you know, and just just just just wait in the waiting area and and um we'll come back to you and like we'll see what's going on and we'll take care of like whatever needed to be taken care of. A few minutes go by and we're just waiting, you know. It's like, oh it's it's probably nothing, and like you know, it's probably it's just a little malfunction or whatever. Next thing I know there were multiple doctors from all directions running into a particular room shouting code blue. Now, if you don't know what code blue is, it's something that you don't want to ever want to hear from any kind of family member, you know, in a in a hospital. So I was concerned because I because it's not a good sign. And little did I know, they were going into my mom's room. And me being like 50 feet away, I just was nervous as to what was going on. Then shortly after, um, a very nice gentleman who was one of the doctors came in to the waiting room, and very softly, and I remember it.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:07

Day is clear, dead like clear as day, he said to us, We believe that she passed.